Learning How to Love: Resources I Keep Sharing with Friends

So much of our quality of life depends on the quality of our relationships. Yet we spend surprisingly little time learning how to build and nurture them.

At least, that was true for me.

As I started exploring this subject, I discovered resources that made me want to keep learning—and that I kept recommending to friends. I’m bringing them together here for anyone who’s curious about understanding relationships better.

Alain de Botton and The School of Life

Alain de Botton and The School of Life are among the resources I return to when thinking about love and relationships. Their work offers a starting point for reflecting on our expectations, emotional patterns, and the challenges of sharing a life with someone.

Two places to begin:

Esther Perel

I also keep recommending Esther Perel’s talks and her podcast, Where Should We Begin?.

The podcast invites us into conversations with real people navigating complicated relationships. Listening to someone else’s story can create room to reflect on our own: what we need, what we struggle to express, and how we relate to the people closest to us.

John and Julie Gottman

Another resource on my list is the work of John and Julie Gottman. Their work brings together relationship research and clinical practice, offering a practical perspective on how couples build and sustain a life together.

Two books to explore

Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel explores the tension between intimacy and desire in long-term relationships.
How to Not Die Alone by Logan Ury looks at the habits and decisions that shape our dating lives, with practical guidance for approaching relationships more intentionally.

I’m still learning. But I’m starting to give relationships the time and attention that something so central to life deserves.

I’ll keep sharing useful resources as I discover them. For now, these are the ones I keep passing along to friends.