10 signs you've found a keeper

A short video from the Gottman Institute on what to look for while dating. My notes on the ten signs:

1. You’re physically attracted to them. You tend to know within about twenty minutes, partly through scent you don’t consciously notice.
2. They’re reliable. They call when they say they will and show up on time. If they’re running late, they let you know.
3. They treat everyone with kindness and respect. Watch how they treat the servers at a restaurant.
4. They make you feel good about yourself. It matters how you think about them, and also how they make you think about yourself: attractive, smart, a kind and good person.
5. They stay calm in conflict and listen. They don’t lose their temper or slide into criticism. They want to hear your point of view.
6. They keep asking you questions. The questions go past the early-dating ones and stay big and open-ended, such as what feels great at work these days and what doesn’t. You change day to day, and they want to keep up.
7. They open up about themselves. They are honest about their flaws, strengths, successes and failures, with some humility.
8. They take responsibility for their part. A test: ask why their last relationship ended. If the answer is only that the ex was immature, that is a bad sign. A keeper can name their own contribution to the breakup.
9. They listen to your stress without rushing to fix it. They ask about your hard day and keep asking until they understand what is stressful for you. Jumping in with solutions can feel condescending.
10. They support what you love to do. They don’t need the same interests as you, or to want to do everything you do.

What stood out to me

The last sign is the surprising one. Being highly compatible is not on the list. Wanting to support the other person in what they love is.

The video also calls empathy the glue between partners: understanding each other’s feelings, or at least trying to, and then saying so out loud.