Total compatibility is not a requirement
John and Julie Gottman on what lasting love runs on: friendship, choosing your partner again on their bad days, and affection. Having the same interests is not on the list.
From John Gottman & Julie Gottman
10 signs you've found a keeper
The Gottman Institute's checklist for dating. Most of it is about how the person treats you and other people, and none of it is about having the same interests.
Learning How to Love: Resources I Keep Sharing with Friends
So much of our quality of life depends on the quality of our relationships. Yet we spend surprisingly little time learning how to build and nurture them. At least, that was true for me....
Relationship articles
A starting point for reflecting on our expectations, emotional patterns, and the challenges of sharing a life.
From Alain de Botton
Where Should We Begin?
Conversations with real people navigating complicated relationships—and a chance to reflect on our own.
From Esther Perel
The Gottmans’ work
Relationship research and clinical experience, offering a practical perspective on how couples build and sustain a life together.
From John Gottman & Julie Gottman
Mating in Captivity
An exploration of the tension between intimacy and desire in long-term relationships.
From Esther Perel
How to Not Die Alone
The habits and decisions that shape our dating lives, and ways to approach relationships more intentionally.
From Logan Ury
Conversations on relationships
Another way into The School of Life’s ideas about love, expectations, and living with one another.
From Alain de Botton
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Learning how to love.
The resources I keep sharing with friends, and why I keep coming back to them.
A NOTE ABOUT THIS NOTEBOOK
Still learning.
Always curious.
So much of our quality of life depends on the quality of our relationships. I’m learning to give them the time and attention they deserve.
This is where I’m gathering useful resources and making room for reflection. The collection starts with a few things I keep recommending to friends, and will grow as I read, listen, and learn.
More about my work & writing ↗